The Knights of Whole Foods

I walk by them everyday. They’re lean, either freakishly short or tall with near flawless skin. The girls have perfected the art of daytime MAC eyeliner. The guys have that detached, yet scrupulous stare down to a science. And every third person has a kick ass dog who never barks. No, I’m not talking about the impeccably cool people at The Last Drop. I am speaking about the legions of youth (oh, they never age) who sit outside of Whole Foods on South Street, each and every day, all day. I like to think of them as the knights of Whole Foods. Dare some kind of over processed, artificially flavored hooligan try and walk through those doors.

Who are these people? Are they students? If they’re students, how can they possibly afford Whole Foods and their $8 grapes? Do they work? Bike messengers perhaps? I mean even bike messengers have to deliver something at some point. More importantly, how do I get their damn job? I want to sit at a table and eat vegan treats and stare adoringly at my shelter rescue. I envision what they do after Whole Foods. God, their lives are probably so exciting while I race home to catch Everybody Loves Raymond on TBS. When I walk home from my 9-5 job (ok, 11-5 job) and stop to pick up dinner at Whole Foods, I glare at them, green with envy. I schlep my 3 paper bags (or plastic, I can’t decide which is the right answer) right on by them, dreaming of the day I can be the girl who sits outside of Whole Foods all day, people watching while snacking on a vanilla vegan cupcake. A jealous girl can dream….