Instant Gratification

Let's face it. Whether you want to admit it or not, you know within the first few minutes of a first date if you're gonna be into it. People have been making me feel bad for dismissing potential suitors so quickly. But c'maaan. I judge, it's what I do. It's my gift. And if I'm not feeling it after the first date, why do I have to give the poor guy a second or third just to solidify said disinterest? Wastes time for both parties. So I figured, in an effort to broaden my dating my horizons I will go... wait for it... Speed dating. I've only seen it in the movies but I feel like it's very suited to my instant judging style. I can just see it now--me, a room full of 50 year old men and I'm allowed, in fact encouraged, to dismiss him after 3 minutes. "Hi, I'm Colleen. So you love sandwiches. I can tell. Put mine down." NEXT "Hi, I'm Colleen. What's that you say? You live in your parent's basement. Jesus, those 2 minutes and 59 seconds really flew by." NEXT.

Now you may be saying. Colleen, you sound like a terrible person and I'm not disagreeing with you. But I'm also honest. Oh, I'm fully aware that they will be judging me just as well. But this isn't about them. It never is.

While trying to find friends to go on this little adventure with me, we decided that the odds of finding someone cool, our age that's speed dating is slim to none. But that's where you come in. Readers, any suggestions? Does North Bowl have a singles event, where I can meet the quasi hipster of my dreams? Lemmie know and I'm on it like Britney on bacon.

In other news. I need some distractions. I fell into ex infested waters last night and had an hour long drunken phone call. Don't judge. You've been there too. The first step is admitting there's a problem.

Hello. My name is Colleen......and I have a problem.