Monday, December 29, 2008

The 5th Wheel. A lament.

I've noticed a disturbing trend. I’ll refer to it as the Coupling Effect. Boy meets girl. Girl falls in love with boy. Boy and girl decide to go on lots of couple dates with their other couple friends and leave their fabulous single friends to miss them desperately. Don't get me wrong, I am quite happy when friends become involved in loving and happy relationships, but where does that leave me? And yes, before we go any further, it's always, always about me.

I am completely satisfied with my current state, sure I sometimes miss the big spoon to my little one. But I have pretty much the most awesome collection of friends any one person could ever have. I'm never at a loss for someone to laugh, dance, be completely inappropriate with or someone to completely inappropriately dance with. Now here's my concern. As one of the dwindling singlers of the group, I find myself excluded ever so slightly in favor of The Couple Dates. True, this is a completely unfounded and petty jealousy, but I fear that one night while all my couple friends are on their respective dates with my other couple friends, I will be left alone knitting booties for my cats and the next thing you know…BAM I'm 50, have created a permanent buttock imprint on my couch, and emit the faint aroma of cheese.

So, I’ll ask you. What is the draw of the couple date? I don't think I was ever on one that I enjoyed in all of my relationshiped time. I always felt like it was leading to some awkward moment where we start placing keys in a bowl and hoping for the best. Maybe couples just feel comfortable around other couples because they have transcended beyond the life we singles lead (perusing missed connections on a daily basis in the off chance that someone I drunkenly bumped into the previous night thought I was hot.)

I digress.

I’ll leave you with this. If you are a couple, don't leave your singles out to dry. Take us out. Play with us. We need your love most of all.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Everything you didn't know you needed to know.

Ladies. Find everything you ever wanted to know about landing a man here. I will be perusing the local news tonight to find a sports figure whom I find attractive so that I can use that to converse with a male. Oh, and rub my leg at a bus stop. Too bad the one outside my building was demolished during the Phillies win, 

Sunday, December 14, 2008


Along with the Holidays comes a barrage of parties and a barrage of hopes that Mr. Right, or at least Mr. Moderately Steady Make out, might be a friend of a friend that said friends just forgot to mention before. Or maybe that they deemed undatable do to some character flaw that I may just be desperate enough to overlook. Thus far, no such luck.

But it's OK, what they lack in mens, they makeup for in delicious holiday treats. Last night was a packed one. First, I met a college friend and all of her new friends at Tequila's. And let me tell ya, after about one of 2 margarita's, those repressed college memories started flowing like brain farts after a memory lane enchilada. I felt 8 pairs of eyes staring at me in judgement. So of course. I thought it best to drink more.

Next stop, friend's holiday party, which was wonderful and I was just sober enough to enjoy that my friends weren't. But I had to make an appearance so I left for the third. The third was the coolest/ weirdest holiday party I've ever been to. But I found it difficult to socialize do to the fact that I couldn't tear my eyes of the 2 hour long hippy dance off taking up the majority of the living room, while we crowded to the sides. It's all a blur of wine and patchouli. So around 3 am we decide to cab it home, and some kid stole our cab from under our noses. So cabbie felt bad as he drove by and I gave him a thumbs down and took us as well. And then began the most awkward cab ride ever. This dude, my friend and I in the back/ Her bf in the front. When said dude was safely zonked out, I proceeded to have a convo with my friends. Dood would wake occasionally to heartily agree with me on whatever point I was making, then zonk again.

Then I had to ride with him in silence between my friends' stop and mine. At his stop I was like "Well, see ya". And he (obviously gay) leans in gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and left. As I watched in shock the cabbie said "Hmm.. I think I gotta start doing that with all of my costumers."

Moral of the story. Holiday love is where you least expect it. For, me it's in a cab smelling of second hand patchouli.